


Dragonflight In Half An Hour

by calenlily



Category: Dragonriders of Pern - McCaffrey
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Parody, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-25
Updated: 2008-10-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 01:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calenlily/pseuds/calenlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The condensed version. Utterly cracktastic play-by-play "summary" of Dragonflight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Weyr Search

**Author's Note:**

> A glimpse of the insanity that is my mind. No, there is no literary merit whatsoever. No, there is no point to it. Just pure and utter crackfic. Title is an affectionate reference to [m15m](http://community.livejournal.com/m15m/profile), which this is in no way affliated with and only _very_ loosely reminiscent of.

Red Star: *Glare*  
Lessa: *Shiver*  
Lessa: Wha?  
Ruatha: *Wither*  
Lessa: Chaos, panic, disorder. My work here is done.

Fax: I’m evil and offensive  
F’lar: *Hate*  
Lessa: *Mind games*  
Dragons: Rawr  
F’lar: What’s wrong with this picture?  
Fax: *Offensive*  
F’lar: *Challenging*  
Gemma: Oh noes!  
Gemma: *Goes into labor*  
Everyone: Oh noes!  
Fax: Sure I’ll renounce Ruatha … for the kid  
F’lar: Oh snap!  
Lessa: *Vindictive*  
Gemma: *Ded*  
Lessa: Whoops  
Lessa: The kid’s alive  
F’lar: Oh snap!  
Fax: *Rage*  
Lessa: *Knocked out*  
F’lar: Notsofast!  
Fax: *Insulting*  
F’lar: ~~My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!~~ No wait, wrong story.  
Fax: I keel j00!  
F’lar: No, I keel j00!  
Fax: *Ded*  
F’lar: What have we here?  
Lessa: Ruatha is mine! Bwa ha ha!  
F’lar: You sure you’re supposed to be good?  
Lessa: Run away, run awaaay!  
F’lar: Oh noes!  
Mnementh: Lookie what I found!  
Lessa: *Fume*  
F’lar: You, you’re comin with me.  
Lessa: Says who?  
Flar: *Facepalm*  
F’lar: Status?  
Lessa: Meh  
F’lar: Power?  
Lessa: Meh  
F’lar: Fight the Red Star?  
Lessa: Ooh  
F’lar: You can has dragon  
Lessa: Oh, fine  
Watch-wher: *Attack*  
Lessa: Oh noes!  
Watch-wher: Whoops  
Watch-wher: *Ded*  
Dragons: Waah!  
Lessa: Waah!  
F’lar: Wha?  
F’lar + Lessa: *Gone*

Lessa: Clean!  
F’lar: Ooh!  
Lessa: *Glower*  
F’lar: *Advice*  
Lessa: Wha?  
Dragon eggs: *Hatch*  
Candidates: *Scared*  
Lessa: _Wimps_  
Hatchlings + Candidates: *Chaos*  
Ramoth: *Hatch*  
Girls: *Terrified*  
Ramoth: *Charge*  
Girl 1: *Ded*  
Girl 2: *Ded*  
Lessa: &lt;3!  
Ramoth: &lt;3!


	2. Dragonflight

R’gul: I’m an overbearing incompetent arse!  
S’lel: Me too!  
R-gul + S’lel: *Argue*  
Ballad: *Incomprehensible*  
Lessa: *Frustrated*  
Manora: There’s not enough food  
Lessa: Oh noes!  
Lessa: *Plot*  
Lessa: I hate this place  
Ramoth: *Wakes*  
Lessa: &lt;3!  
F’lar: *Smug*  
Lessa: *Glower*  
Ramoth: *Impatient*  
Lessa: *Frustrated*  
Messenger from Ruatha: *Obsequious*  
Bronze Riders: *Storm in*  
Lessa: *Baiting*  
Bronze Riders: *Argue*  
Lessa: *Mind games*  
F’lar: Oh no you don’t!  
Lessa: *Fume*

Lessa: *Challenging*  
F’nor: Yeah, _you_ screwed up  
Lessa: Wha?  
F’nor: *Explain*  
Lessa: Whoops  
Bronzes: *Blood kills*  
Bronze Riders: Par-tay!  
R’gul: *Leer*  
Lessa: Wuzzgoinon?  
F’nor: *Facepalm*  
F’lar: *Not there*  
F’nor: Oh noes!  
R’gul: *Evil laugh*  
Lessa: _I know something you don’t know_  
Lessa: _Mnementh, get your ass back here!_  
R’gul: *Evil laugh*  
Lessa: Eff you!  
F’lar: Hi guys  
R’gul: Oh noes!  
Ramoth: Rawr  
Ramoth + Lessa: *Battle of wills*  
Ramoth: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, you can’t catch me  
Bronzes: *Give chase*  
Bronzes: *Fall behind*  
Ramoth: I pwn j00, fools!  
Ramoth: *Goes for Orth*  
Mnementh: Oh no you don’t!  
Ramoth: Wha? …Ah well, that works  
Lessa: *Confused*  
F’lar: *Condescending*  
Lessa: &lt;3

F’lar: *Smug*  
Mnementh: Notsofast  
F’lar: Whatever  
Lessa: *Icy*  
Mnementh: Crisis alert!  
F’lar: Oh noes!  
R’gul: *Pompous*  
F’lar: Haha, pwned! I’m Weyrleader now  
R’gul: *Fume*  
F’lar: *Plot*  
Bronze Riders: Wha?  
Lessa: *Smirk*  
F’lar: That’s enough  
Lessa: *Pout*  
Lessa: *Explain*  
F’lar: *Explain*  
R’gul: *Sputter*  
Bronze Riders: *Cheer*  
Mnementh: We should bring Lessa  
F’lar: Whatever

Holders: *Rage*  
Dragons: *Appear*  
Holders’ Mounts: *Hysteria*  
Holders: Oh noes!  
Holders: *Make demands*  
F’lar: Whatever  
F’lar: *Give orders*  
Holders: Wha?  
F’lar: We’ve got your ladies  
Holders: O rly?  
F’lar: Ya rly  
More Dragons: *Appear with hostage ladies*  
Holders: Oh noes!  
F’lar: Haha, pwned!  
F’lar: *Give orders*  
Holders: *Pout*  
Lessa + Ramoth: *Appear*  
Everyone: Ooh, shiny!  
F’lar: *Facepalm*  
F’lar: *Trying to save face*  
Holders: *Retreat*  
F’lar: _Finally_  
F’lar: *Angry*  
Mnementh: Calm down  
F’lar: *Pout*  
Lessa: See, queens can fly  
F’lar: *Facepalm*  
F’lar: *Shakes her*


	3. Dust Fall

R’gul: *Defiant*  
F’lar: *Ridicule*  
R’gul: *Pout*  
Lessa: *Petulant + Challenging*  
F’lar: _Bad, bad morning_  
F’lar: I’ll teach you how to fly _between_  
Lessa: Ooh!  
Dragons: *Restless*  
Lessa: *Emotional*  
Mnementh: *Advice*  
F’lar: Shut up  
Lessa: Wha?  
F’lar: Whoops  
F’lar: *Explain*  
Lessa: *Overconfident*  
F’lar: *Angry*  
Lessa: *Bored*  
Lessa + Ramoth: *To Ruatha*  
Ruatha: *13 Turns ago*  
Fax: *Invade*  
Lessa: Wha?  
Lessa: *Freaked*  
Lessa + Ramoth: *To Benden*  
F’lar + Mnementh: *Not there*  
Lessa + Ramoth: *To Ruatha*  
Ruatha: *3 Turns ago*  
Lessa: *Extra-freaked*  
Lessa + Ramoth: *To Benden*  
F’lar: *Angry*  
F’lar: *Shakes her*  
F’lar: Where were you?  
Lessa: Ruatha  
F’lar: O rly?  
Lessa: Ya rly!  
F’lar: Lies, all lies!  
Lessa: *Pout*  
Mnementh + Ramoth: Iss true  
F’lar: Whoops  
F’lar: What happened?  
Lessa: *Explain*  
F’lar: Wha?  
F’lar: Huh  
Lessa: *Tremble*  
F’lar: _Maybe that’ll teach her_  
Mnementh: *Snort*  
F’lar: _…Or not_  
Lessa: *Explain*  
Lessa: *Tremble*  
F’lar: *Comforting* *For once*  
F’lar + Mnementh: *Timetravel*  
Benden: *15 Turns ago*  
Nemorth: *Mate*  
Young!F’lar: *Pout*  
F’lar: *Freaked*  
F’lar: Whoops

Records: *Stink*  
Lessa: *Frustrated*  
Lessa: *Rebel*  
F’lar: *Sigh*  
Lessa: Oh, fine  
Ramoth: *Lay eggs*  
F’lar: OMG!  
Weyrfolk: OMG!  
Lessa: *Left behind*  
Lessa: *Pout*  
Ramoth: *Smug*  
Queen Egg: *Glisten*  
Weyrfolk: OMG!  
Lessa: *Proud*  
F’lar: *Smug*  
Lessa: *Pleasant* *For once*

F’lar: *Revolutionary*  
Bronze Riders: *Pout*  
Lessa: *Support*

Eggs: *Hatch*  
Candidates: Ooh!  
Visitors: Ooh!  
Lessa: It’s over?  
F’lar: LOL  
Lessa: *Pout*

Lessa: *Nightmare*  
Ramoth: *Nightmare*  
Lessa: *Freaked*  
F’lar: Whatever  
F’nor: Freakish dust storms  
F’lar: Oh noes! Iss Thread!  
F’nor: Whoops  
F’lar: *Frustrated*  
Lessa: I can talk to all dragons!  
F’lar: *Facepalm*  
F’lar: *Accusing*  
Lessa: *Pout*  
F’lar: We should timetravel!  
F’nor: Wha?  
R’gul: Wuzzgoinon?  
F’lar: Thread  
R’gul: No wai!  
Lessa: Wai!  
Ramoth: *Poke*  
R’gul: *Pout*  
F’lar: *Give orders*  
Lessa: &lt;3

Thread: *Fall*  
Dragons: *Flame*

Dragons: *Return*  
Dragons: Owies!  
Women: *Tend*  
C’gan: *Ded*  
Tagath: *Disappear*  
Dragons: Waah!  
Lessa: *Pout*

F’lar: *Brood*  
Lessa: *Reassuring*  
Kylara: *Flirt*  
Lessa: *Annoyed*  
F’lar: Send her back in time  
Lessa: Wha?  
F’lar: No rly  
Lessa: Ooh!  
F’lar: *Plot*  
Future!F’nor: Oh noes!  
F’lar + Lessa: Wha?  
Future!F’nor: *Leave*  
Lessa: O.o  
F’lar: Whatever  
Lessa: &lt;3


	4. The Cold Between

Lessa + F’nor: *To Southern*  
Lords: *Angry*  
F’lar: *Explain*  
Robinton: *Mock*  
Lords: *Pout*  
Future!F’nor: Hi  
Robinton: *Sing*  
F’lar: Huh  
Robinton: *Perceptive*  
F’lar: *Explain*  
Robinton: O.o  
Southern: *Sparkle*  
Lessa: Ooh!  
F’nor + Lessa: *Plot*  
Ramoth: *Pout*  
F’nor + Lessa: *To Benden*  
Lessa: *Faint*  
F’lar + F’nor: O.o  
F’nor: *Timetravel*  
Lessa: *Zonked*  
F’lar: &lt;3

Vincet: *Pout*  
Fandarel: I can has agenothree?  
Thread burrows: *Ded*  
F’lar: Huh  
Robinton: Strangeness  
Lessa: Wha?  
F’lar: *Explain*  
Lessa: *Epiphany*  
F’lar: No wai!  
F’lar: *Shakes her*  
Lessa: *Pout*  
Robinton: Wine?  
Lytol: We can has tapestry!  
Lessa: Ooh!

Lessa + Ramoth: *Timetravel*  
F’lar: Oh noes!  
F’lar: *Hysterical*  
Robinton + Lytol: Oh noes!  
Ruatha: *400 Turns ago*  
Lessa + Ramoth: *Appear*  
Lord of Ruatha: O.o  
Mardra + T’ton: O.o  
Lessa: *Delerious*  
Lessa: Come to the future  
Mardra + T’ton: Wha?  
Lessa: *Explain*  
Mardra + T’ton: O.o  
Lessa + Oldtimers: *Timetravel*  
Lytol: You’re late  
Lessa: Wha?  
Lytol: *Explain*  
Lessa: Whoops  
Lytol: Go. F’lar’s worrying  
Lessa: He’ll shake me!  
Everyone: Whatever  
Lessa + Oldtimers: *Timetravel*  
F’lar: &lt;3  
F’lar: *Shakes her*  
Oldtimers: O.o  
Lessa: I told you he’d shake me  
Oldtimers: Hi  
F’lar: O.o  
Fandarel: I can has flamethrower!

R’gul: *Panic*  
Lessa: _I know something you don’t know_  
Lessa: LOL  
F’lar: *Explain*  
R’gul: *Disbelieving*  
Oldtimers: *Arrive*  
R’gul: *Facepalm*  
R’gul: *Drunk*  
Weyrleaders: *Plot*  
F’lar: Queens fly Thread?  
Oldtimers: *Facepalm*  
F’lar: *Facepalm*  
F’nor: LOL  
F’lar: I know something you don’t know  
Lessa: *Pout*  
Lessa: I can has flamethrower?  
F’lar: And I’m sending Kylara away  
Lessa: &lt;3

Threads: *Fall*  
Dragons: *Flame*  
F’lar: Fwee!


End file.
